Everybody wants to be tough, but few are willing to pay the price...
I'll cut right to the chase.
Being tough IS NOT what the movies makes it out to be. Being tough is humbly going about your ways without letting ego get in the way of safe living. Being tough is doing your day-to-day routine without complaining and finding ways to serve others and not be a burden to them.
In the movies, you may see Clint Eastwood, tough as nails, prescribing painful justice to a criminal or someone who "done him wrong." You may see the protagonist jumping into danger, facing it square on, and looking for a fight so as to ensure justice in an unjust world.
In life, it is not so. Some may like it to be that way (and some act as if it were that way), but it is a harsh lesson to learn. Being tough isn't the ability to get vengeance. It's the ability to forgive. Being tough isn't being bada$$, with tattoos, drugs, and gangs to prove your rebellion and dominance in the world. No. Those who outwardly portray their "badassness" are actually insecure about their own fears, insomuch that they feel the burning need to hide what frightens them most behind worldly images to protect them and keep others from discovering their true weaknesses. This is not to say they aren't dangerous, because even "wannabes" have enough low-self esteem to not care and act out violently, but simply that they have a distorted view of what being "tough" is all about.
It takes a real man to admit when he's wrong. It takes a real man to walk away from a hostile street confrontation between a high 'n drunk punk who just threw beer in his girlfriend's face. We've been over this. Some things are worth fighting for. Your wallet is not one of those things. Neither is your ego. Your life, yes. Your wife and children, yes. An immature argument about whose sports team is better IS NOT.
Let me explain to you what self-defense IS and what it IS NOT...
Self-defense IS:
-Being aware of your surroundings
-The ability to identify "red flags" to avoid a high-risk situation
-Using verbal reasoning to de-escalate a violent confrontation.
-CHOOSING flight over fight always, unless/until something very important worth fighting for confronts you. That's the ONLY time you fight!...when it is worth it. Fortunately, usually it IS NOT. Unfortunately, most people either don't see it that way or don't have a rational sense of what is worth fighting over and what is not.
-Common sense. Locking your doors at night is one example.
-Staying away from danger.
-Protecting others from harm.
-The ability to swallow your pride and walk away from a fight, no matter how hard it may hurt your ego.
-Understanding that "the tougher you truly are, the less you should feel a need to prove it." (Little Black Book of Violence)
-A place wherein multiple attackers, weapons, harsh environmental conditions, no rules, blood, murder, rape, robbery, and brutal unfairness RESIDE WITH PLEASURE.
Self-defense IS NOT:
-What you see on the television and movies.
-Selfish.
-CHOOSING fight over flight because of an argument in a bar or on Super-Bowl Sunday or anything ridiculous like that.
-Being a bully.
-Fancy martial art techniques (no, not necessarily).
-CHOOSING fight over flight to save face in front of a girlfriend, spouse, family member, or friend.
-Sports oriented martial arts training like boxing, wrestling, MMA cagefighting, etc.
-A place where referees, soft mats, rules, "fair fights," headgear/gloves, etc. are present, assuring your safety and keeping things on a sportsmanlike level.
If you really want to be tough, live peaceably. If you're a teenager or a guy in his twenties with everything in the world to prove, just stop and think about the consequences of where your attitude may lead you. "The Little Black Book of Violence" discusses three consequences that people who get into fights (or those prone to do so) FAIL TO SEE:
#1 The PHYSICAL consequences. Someone will get hurt. Injured. Or killed. Never a good thing. NOTHING EVER GOOD COMES FROM FIGHTING FOR THE WRONG REASONS!
#2 The LEGAL consequences. If you have won the fight, you dang well better be able to explain to the cops that it was in self-defense. If there were witnesses who saw the fight, can you be absolutely sure that they were able to identify exactly who was the victim and who was the aggressor? If not, you may either go to prison or financially crush under the weight of a heavy lawsuit.
#3 The PSYCHOLOGICAL consequences. Even if you win the fight, killed the guy, and decided not to report it to the authorities, you still have to face yourself in the mirror and every night before bed you will lay down with the knowledge that YOU ARE A KILLER. If you do win the fight, go to the authorities, and get off on a self-defense plea, you will now have the everlasting and lingering knowledge of what a man's (or woman's) blood smells like, what they look like once they go pale and stop breathing, and how it physically felt to shoot them, stab them, strangle them, beat them, or otherwise usher them to their death. That knowledge DOES NOT go away overnight. It never goes away. It turns into a scar that you look at and deal with the rest of your life.
Again, NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES FROM EITHER WINNING OR LOSING A FIGHT.
You think you're tough? If you're a male, you want to think you are no matter if it's true or not. If you're a female, you are probably much more down-to-earth and find men childish when they get hotheaded about stupid things. Not that females are immune to the ridiculous nature of man, but their incidences are few and far between.
If you're a big and athletic male, and/or a martial artist at that (or a self-proclaimed martial artist), you'll probably not even read this in the first place because your ego hinders you from reading something that you've predetermined to be a waste of your bada$$ time. If you have read this, you probably think you're above the rules and have convinced yourself that you're so tough that you're the grand-champion exception to all the other wannabe wusses out there who would follow such guidance. Time will only tell when you will wind up dead, in jail, the courtroom following a lawsuit, or a permanent resort vacation to the local morgue. PROVE ME WRONG. PLEASE!!!!
The other day I had a guy come up to me and asked me about my business. He explained that he fought MMA for a while, wanted to be a bouncer, and that he had 3 different black belts. Sadly, the catalog ninja stories continue...I told him that being a bouncer is not what it's cracked up to be (he probably saw "Road House" a few too many times). I've been a doorman/bouncer, and I've learned that some things in life that sound awesome actually SUCK to do. Exciting at first, but dangerous and tedious as time goes by. Getting in the middle of a fight is not fun, easy, or entertaining. It gets you bruised and bloodied all to hell, and that's even with your team to help you. Having to call the cops every weekend because things got out of hand, and explaining to them what you did, how you did it, and why you're not culpable in any way shape or form...is NOT what I call fun. Also, under-the-influence joe bada$$es who take things too personally and wait for YOU at your vehicle when your shift ends IS NOT what I call fun.
"Tough" is listening to people who give sound advice. If you want to feel rebellious for some reason, and desire to act out in "cool," illegal ways, you are in for a hard lesson. What you think is "tough" turns into stupidity. Sometimes it happens quicker to some than for others...but no matter what, your destructive behavior will catch up to you. You may act as if consequences don't matter. You're wrong. You may think that bad things won't happen to you if you do something bad. You're wrong. You may even HOPE that bad things WILL happen to you JUST BECAUSE you want to have gone through some serious Sh#$, and tell stories to your fellow joe bada$$es and sound tough, gaining some good one-upmanship.
It's not worth it. If I have described you, I would recommend that you sit down and evaluate your life and rationally go through the pros and cons of what you are doing. You are hurting yourself and your family (and your friends). If I have not described you, take this as a compliment that your attitude is on the right track. Also, if I have not described you, I hope that you have at least learned what is going on around you. Perhaps your children are this way. Perhaps your brother or your sister. Perhaps your friends. We all know someone who wants to live a rebellious life. The sad truth is that, for some of them, their days are numbered and shorter than they otherwise would have been, had they chosen to be wise and stay out of trouble. Not that there isn't any hope for them, but as Alexandre Dumas once wrote, "On what slender threads do life and fortune hang!"
My ultimate goal in this article is to get you to think about what it really means to be "TOUGH," and to warn you to not let worldly things like self-gain, public awards, trophies, images, trends, and the latest articles of "Cosmopolitan," "Hardcore Muscle," and/or the "UFC" magazines consume you to where you subject your unique self to the illusions of modern vanity. Rise above all that nonsense and don't be a victim to its shiny glamor. You'll end up losing your money, feeling inadequate, and receiving a false sense of security in a world that is drowning in ignorance.
--Have a great week!!!
Patrick Asay
www.appliedmartialartstraining.com