Emotional Self-Defense Vs. Physical Self-Defense: Few know the difference

***DISCLAIMER***-->  This article is mostly for adult men ages 18-60 (parental discretion advised)
 
This week's study is on an extremely important topic in understanding SELF-DEFENSE.  
 
In a nutshell, the problem with violence is that most fights break out because of "words."  Hurtful words.  Emotionally-driven words.  It is rarely fighting over something that is tangible, like a piece of property.  Since most fights are the results of emotions like pride, hatred, low-self-esteem, reaction to hurtful words, etc., nobody can claim SELF-DEFENSE.  
 
Let's pretend you get in a heated argument on Super Bowl Sunday in your own home.  Your place is packed.  Among the guests, your brother-in-law's friend Joe came over.  He's hotheaded.  He's mouthy.  He's just the type that you don't like.  You quickly learn that he doesn't like the team you're routing for.  He likes the other team.  He's a little bigger than you are and, unconsciously, you don't like that.  It looks like he works out on a regular basis and you don't like that either because you never have time to work out, and you think it's unfair because someone else has more time to work out than you do.  
 
As the game goes on, and after repeatedly hearing Joe's stupid comments and cheering when your team gets the brunt of a bad referee call, you've had enough.  You say, "What the Hell, Joe?  You've come to my home and you're just being an A$$hole about everything!"
 
Joe says, "Go #$%^ yourself!  It's not my fault your team SUCKS!" And smiles.
 
Now he done it!  You yell, "Get out of my house!"
 
He replies, "Not until I watch your team go under like a dead puppy dog ran over by my truck!"
 
Now you threaten, "Get out or I'll beat the @#$% out of you!"
 
He then approaches you, takes off his jacket, and says, "C'mon, fag!"
 
You then punch him square in the jaw, knocking him down hurtin'.  Everyone in the room, as all the arguing was going on (during the space of just a half a minute), was trying to calm you down because you were acting like the jerk in the situation.   Despite their attempts, you manage to run after him and, just like you've seen in the UFC, ground and pound him with some more hurtin' bombs.   You've bloodied him up good because he deserved it.  He was in your home and made threats against you and was an obvious threat to everybody else.  Just having that kind of personality in the room was a danger to all of you.  If you didn't knock him down, nobody else would have or could have.  It was clear self-defense, and you're dang proud of it.
 
Reality check!  Your neighbors had heard the commotion and had called the police.  They arrive at your doorstep.  Your sister lets them in and they observe a man on the ground, bloody, barely moving, and being attended to by a few other people with a first aid kit.  They ask who did the physical damage to the person.  You step in and say, "This man was threatening me and my family so I acted in self-defense."  
 
Now, you have already admitted that you did something that normally is a CRIME, assault and battery.  Now you have to PROVE that what you did was justified and was done in self-defense.  After all, that is what self-defense REALLY IS:  something done that is normally a crime, but justified because of an immediate and "physical" act of violence (not just a heated threat) imposed upon you.  
 
Once again, since you admitted you did it in Self-Defense, you also admitted to beating up Joe.  The police inquire as to why it was "Self-Defense."  You simply say, "He was making threats against my family and tried to hit me," which wasn't true.  But were you to take a lie detector test, you'd pass because you've convinced yourself that it was true.  He threatened you.  You retaliated.  Simple as pie, the easy-bake oven kind.
 
EVEN IF HE THREATENED YOU WITH WORDS, YOU STILL COULD NOT HAVE ACTED IN VIOLENCE WITHOUT LEGAL REPERCUSSIONS.  
 
What was done WAS NOT Self-Defense.  It was assault and battery.
 
Here's what happened:  You were emotionally charged (so was he) and you attacked him, therefore committing a crime.  No matter what happened in your mind, the reality is that YOU ATTACKED HIM.  
 
Here's a truth:  THE POLICE DO NOT CARE ABOUT EMOTIONAL DAMAGE.  THEY CARE ABOUT PHYSICAL DAMAGE.
 
If there was no physical damage imposed upon you then there was no justification for the use of violence, for self-defense.  Even if he hit you first and you hit him back harder and Joe fell to the ground, YOU STILL CHARGED HIM after he was down, hitting him again and again until the crowd of concerned family members and friends were able to restrain you.  The fact that you continued was what we call an "escalation."  You escalated the situation even further.  
 
If you win a fight, domestically or in the street, YOU HAVE TO PROVE, WITH PHYSICAL EVIDENCE (NOT EMOTIONAL), THAT WHAT YOU DID WAS NOT A CRIME, BUT SELF DEFENSE.  If you cannot take a picture of the evidence and be able to see it tangibly, then you cannot be justified in a self-defense plea.  
 
If he "hurt your feelings," that's emotional, not physical.
 
If he "threatened you" with violence he was using emotionally-driven "words," not physical damage.
 
If he broke a vase and hit your sister in the mouth, that's physical...you could take a picture of the vase and your sister's bloody jaw.  You (probably) could act in self-defense in that situation.
 
If he just pissed you off and threatened your manhood or anything else, that's emotional, not physical.
 
A bunch of hogwashed up Martial Art instructors teach eye-gouging, throat strikes, and other soft-tissue strikes.  Imagine what would have happened if you had used those techniques that you practiced again and again and accidentally KILLED Joe.  That's not assault and battery.  That's murder in the first degree.  Manslaughter.
 
What these martial art schools are NOT teaching you are the legal consequences of using physical force against somebody.  They probably don't teach you how to deal with the police when the arrive, how to stay calm and consistent as you sit on the witness stand as you explain why what you did was not a crime.  Nah, they teach cool Karate moves that can kill a person!  Now, assuming that the MA school actually has the capacity to teach you techniques that you could effectively apply to a street fight, you have learned ways to maim, injure, and/or kill another human.  If you win the fight, you have to deal with the authorities (unless you run away, another crime.)  If you lose the fight, you will get maimed, injured, or perhaps you'll get a nice free vacation to the local morgue.  If you win the fight, you have to pay money in legal fees.  If you lose the fight, life sucks still.  
 
NOTHING EVER GOOD COMES FROM FIGHTING!!!!!!!  It's best to avoid it altogether.
 
If you have to defend yourself from someone trying to rape you or kill you, then YES! Fight for your life.  That's worth fighting for.  A stupid Super-Bowl Sunday argument IS NOT worth fighting over.  
 
Once again, emotions are a more common ground over which people fight.  Emotional Self Defense is not supported by law.  Physical damage is what the legal system cares about, and if you can't prove it, then you've just committed a crime and will have to pay for it.  Even if what you did was proven to be "self-defense," you still have to pay for it in one way or another.  Try and find a martial art school (one that claims to teach self-defense also) that emphasizes that.  Good luck!    
 
One more word of advice:  if somebody is throwing insults down your throat left and right, threatening your manhood and everything else about you...and you take it personally, you are giving them "rent-free space" in your head.  They didn't pay rent, so don't let them enter and take up space.  If you do, you are screwing yourself.  Insults are not representative of truths about you.  They are intended to provoke you.  If you truly are tough, you won't let them get to you, and you won't drop down to their pathetic level and do the same to them.  You will simply shake it off, kick them out of your head (because they didn't pay rent), and move on.  If they attack you, make sure you have witnesses and/or other PHYSICAL things that PROVE you acted in self-defense.  Otherwise, you committed a crime.
 
 
Have a great week!
 
--Patrick Asay