Criticism VS. Feedback

Different martial art styles have different ways of "sparring."  If you stick to only one style's sparring, you are not only missing out but you are creating a false reality of how combat takes place.
 
For example,  it would be ridiculous for a grappler to try and box a boxer.  He wouldn't win.  Vice versa.  A boxer won't out-grapple a grappler.  If you learn a mix of both you will have more tools in your martial art "tool chest."  
 
I was at a black belt testing in Idaho Falls tonight, participating in holding boards, sparring, and the ceremony.  When I was sparring these black belt candidates, I realized something.  I kept having to catch myself and restrain myself from takedowns, heavy hits, and ground fighting.  From a certain range, they could kick me and I them, but my TKD " light tag" sparring has gotten a little rusty.  What hasn't gotten rusty (quite the opposite) couldn't be represented because I had to spar TKD style.  Every time I closed the distance and got in close I would find myself in perfect positions for takedowns, but I was restricted, and it stigmatized me.  I kept wanting to use elbows, kicks below the belt, and other things that TKD sparring doesn't allow.  
 
I am used to training in tactical ground fighting, Brazilian JiuJitsu, Japanese JiuJitsu, and more of an MMA type sparring environment.  That's how we train our students.  We provide techniques of different styles to make up for potential flaws in a pure traditional martial art.  Now, I have decided that Taekwondo (in and of itself) is not my cup of tea, and have therefore moved on to other martial art styles.  
 
Now I don't mean to downplay Taekwondo or ANY traditional martial art.  In fact, I am always quite amazed at the skills of seasoned traditional martial artists. To master one art is specialization.  In life, the jack of all trades is usually poorer than the master of one.  My personality (the "jack"), however, is not to obtain, let's say, a 10th degree black belt in one TMA but rather ten 1st degree black belts in different styles.
 
I enjoyed the evening, but it was surprising at the end when it was pointed out that I needed more work.  Of course I need more work (who doesn't?), but one doesn't have to explain it to another in a condescending way.  I don't have a desire to excel at Taekwondo, so I don't WANT more work in Taekwondo, but the overgeneralization of "you need to spar more" belittles all I have been doing in JiuJitsu and combat training.  If it was simply stated, "You need more TKD sparring in order to get better," I would completely agree.  I "spar" probably 50 times per week (maybe more).  Not TKD style obviously, but I DO spar.  I almost omitted this segment due to its bluntness,  but I don't take lightly how people choose their words.  
 
Feedback is different than criticism.  Feedback is constructive.  Criticism is condescending, usually to build up the critic and belittle the criticized.  
 
A lesson on giving "feedback."  It is usually best to have a genuine interest in the individual's progress, not your own agenda (or ego).  So basically, if you step outside of yourself and care about the person you will have a much better chance of giving feedback instead of criticism.  If you have a strong outlook on yourself then you will not feel the need to boost your own ego at someone else's expense.
 
In order to understand Feedback, it's also important to understand praise.  There are problems with praise as well.  In his book, "Punished by Rewards: the trouble with gold stars, incentive plans, A's, Praise, and other Bribes," Alfie Kohn points out that "the real point [of praise] often turns out to be a matter of benefitting the giver rather than the recipient.  If we praise people, they are more likely to do what we want, which is not only advantageous to us in itself but also confers on us a sense of power...clearly, it is worth reconsidering the use of praise if it turns out to be something we need to say more than something they need to hear."
 
Kohn explains how we can give good feedback.  He first says, "What, specifically, are we trying to do?"  What was the person trying to do in making the general statement, "you need to spar more?" Was he trying to help me improve performance?  He wasn't specific in any way in terms of how I could improve, but seemed very satisfied in pointing out my TKD flaws.  
 
Kohn follows it up with what we, as the teachers, SHOULD do:  "Provide plenty of informational feedback.  People need a chance to reflect on what they are doing right, to learn what specifically needs improvement, and to discuss how to change."
 
"Criticize" is a very strong word to me.  That's why I use "feedback."  Understanding that sometimes we are punished by rewards helps us figure out how to provide "informational" feedback when necessary and in a non-condescending way.  Criticizing, whether it be sarcastic, mild, or even ignorantly well-intentioned serves the giver, not the recipient.  It is selfish.  Giving specific feedback with a genuine care for the individual's progress, not your own, is selfless and serves the person.  
 
Brother James Ritchie, teacher at BYU-H and former senior VP for Franklin Quest (before the Franklin-Covey merger), once taught me the following principle, "when you build up others around you, you inevitable get built up, and that's the only way to build yourself up."
 
I can't help but feel somewhat grateful for the experience tonight because it gave me just the excuse I needed for illustrating these strong points.