Catalog Ninjas, Trolls, and Internet Warriors...a little too close to home?
First of all, you may be wondering what on earth a "catalog ninja" or an "Internet warrior" is. Basically, anybody on the internet who claims to be something they're not. If you go to various websites dedicated to fitness or martial arts, you will find "trolls." Wikipedia usually defines terms better than I do, so here is their definition of an "Internet Troll":
"In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts controversial, inflammatory, irrelevant or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room or blog, with the primary intent of provoking other users into an emotional or disciplinary response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_(Internet)
"Catalog ninja" and "internet warrior" are terms that categorize the trolls that go on hardcore fitness, bodybuilding, and martial arts websites and post garbage. They claim to be invincible. They all claim to have black belts in several martial art styles and, of course, they can all bench press 500 lbs. Ridiculous? Yes. Subtle? Not always. Trolls are usually pretty transparent and get "flamed" for their antics by regular users because they provide unrealistic extremities and exaggerate anything to everything.
However, there are Trolls that are subtle. These are the ones that mislead you by using more intellectual thought. They claim to have above average stats/specs and are careful not to overstep their boundaries. They also give you half-truths, which are the worst form of lies. Let me repeat that: HALF-TRUTHS ARE THE WORST FORM OF LIES because you never know what is true and what is false (unless you dig deep enough, and it may not be worth the effort). Documentaries contain half-truths. While some documentaries are unbiased, most are biased and perform subtle tactics to make you believe them and support their cause. Michael Moore is most certainly infamous for his biased documentaries (which I don't necessarily dislike), which are plagued with the magic of misdirection and half-truths. The reason the Internet is often a bad place to seek education from strangers lies in these facts.
Now here are the points of this study:
#1 Do trolls exist outside the Internet in real life?
#2 Why do they exist?
#3 Where are they?
#4 How can we identify them?
#5 What can we learn from all of this?
Let's tackle #1, to which the answer is YES. Trolls, or the idea thereof, is NOT exclusive to the Internet. We would live in a much better world if they were.
Just a few weeks ago, I was in Walmart. I was in business attire and was approached by a female worker of probably 28 years old. She asked me the question everybody asks me, and the conversation went exactly as follows (I wish I were kidding):
"What style do you teach?"
"Reality-Based Self Defense, which is not a Traditional Martial Art..." I replied, also explaining more about what we do.
"Oh okay," she said, "I only ask because my cousin, who is 18 years old and already a master black belt in several different art forms, is coming to town and would probably like to meet the martial art instructors in the area."
Flabbergasted already, I said "Wow. That would be impressive. It takes decades to 'master' a single art form. In what styles is he trained?"
"Oh, you know, your basic Karates." She replied.
"No I don't know, because there are quite a few different styles of Karate."
"Well, I don't remember those weird names, but all I know is that he accidentally killed a guy while competing a while ago, and, on his black belt, he actually has a Chinese symbol that says he can't compete anymore because of his high level of training or whatever."
I politely explained to her that he was most likely talking himself up, and he probably enjoys fibbing about how powerful he thinks he is. I told her that a symbol on your black belt saying you can't compete anymore because you killed someone is quite unrealistic because, not only would I have heard of him, but even in your most extreme competitions like full-contact MMA cagefighting or Vale Tudo, people RARELY die. Knocked out, yes. Bruised up and bleeding, yes. Broken arms, yes. But not dying. There are rules, referees, and mats to assure safety. If they do die, they make news--news about which I would hear and with which I would associate myself. That aside, a symbol on his belt would do nothing but feed his ego. Anybody that would have such a freakishly high level of training would know how to exercise control so as to NOT accidentally kill someone. Oh, and one more thing: if he was trained in Karate he would not have a Chinese symbol on the belt because Karate is a JAPANESE art.
Sure, she may not have known the difference between China and Japan, fair enough, but you still DO NOT approach, say, a mechanic about a car that can go 0-100 mph in 0.2 seconds and not have the facts, statistics, and references handy.
Maybe she does not actually have a cousin and was just lying. Maybe her cousin is a catalog ninja and was lying to her. Maybe she was unaware of any exaggeration on her (or her cousin's) part. She may actually have a cousin who studies martial arts, and perhaps she was just toying with "half-truths." No matter what, I was trolled one way or another.
Unfortunately, in this business, one inevitably runs across some interesting creatures and this was not an isolated incident. There are more stories that could be told, but this was just the most recent.
This Walmart worker was an obvious troll. Not even subtle in the slightest. Not to me, at least.
However, are there people who are intelligent enough to fool you? Yup. If she really has a cousin, he must have fooled her. Sure, you don't need a degree to work at Walmart, but that doesn't necessarily make her stupid. She may have just been unaware of how martial arts work. Perhaps that's how she got trolled! I know nothing about sewing, so perhaps an experienced seamstress could fool me about how many stitches it would take to get to the center of a tootsie pop!
#2 Why do they exist? A few reasons: money, pride, sheer ignorance, and/or mental illnesses.
#3 Where are they? Anywhere. Everywhere! Whether it's martial arts or a vacuum cleaner that is invincible, people will try and scam you and take advantage of you, using misdirection and half-truths. Walmart is a proven place wherein they may reside, by the way.
#4 How can we identify them? Not so cut 'n dry. They may appear to be sheep, but "inwardly are ravening wolves," as the Bible says. My advice: Be aware, use common sense, and DO YOUR RESEARCH. Don't buy into ANYTHING right away if there are even the slightest red-flags manifested. Let me list a few "red flags" of real trolls:
-Something is exaggerated
-Something is new, "state-of-the-art," straight from NASA, etc.
-Something is bloody expensive, even MUCH more than a competitive product/service.
-Something is old, very old...from the Aztec empire or ancient Egypt
-Something will provide you instant results, overnight results, faster than any other competitive product/service
-Something has a contract that legally binds you for a long period of time
-Something is an infomercial
If all of the above are spotted, you won't need a second thought (or so I hope!). If any of the above are spotted, do as previously mentioned: don't buy into it right away. Do your homework and research on it. Try and find other people who have bought into it and see what they have to say. (Remember, testimonials and customer/client/consumer/student reviews may be rigged and faulty.)
If you are a catalog ninja or a troll...STOP!!!!! You are making the world worse. However, you are so stuck in your own world you've created, apart from reality, that you won't listen to me. Never say I didn't try, however!
#5 What can we learn from all of this? Simply that there are people who are smart and capable of scamming other people, possibly even you. Some are stupid and transparent, often times quite entertaining--other times quite annoying. In martial arts, you find them in the form of "McDojos," about which I have beaten several dead horses in my articles on my website. In fitness, they come in the form of infomercials, magic pills, bright colors, sexy models, and fancy words. In life, they come to you in several other ways that cannot possibly be mentioned.
Have a great week!
--Patrick
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