10 Things Every Woman Should Know About Self Defense

 There are so many misconceptions about "women self defense" and I'm so sick of people buying some of the crap that is circulating about it.  At the bottom of this article I've copied and pasted an email that was recently sent to my wife about women self defense (this is the 4th time she's received the same email).  It is just absolutely ridiculous.  Some of its points are slightly valid, but it teaches you to live in fear and paranoia, and that basically you're tough just because you're a woman and there ain't no man gonna harm you for nothin cuz you're a woman.  I will dissect the email and point out its flaws for you after I go through my material.  .
 
This article is obviously geared toward women.  I am developing a series of articles, videos, and other instructional materials to teach women about TRUE self defense.  There is a reality that many people either cannot see or are unwilling to accept.  I am determined to set the record straight.
 
#1  Always have the number of a good attorney on hand.  
 
You are never immune to a violent encounter and nothing is black and white.  Gray areas are the most common of all monsters in this violent world.  What to you may seem self defense may actually be murder.  It is your responsibility to not only learn how to verbally reason with a predator, to stop whatever he may do, but also to have a phone number of a good attorney.  You may need it.
 
#2  You ARE vulnerable.  
 
Whereas a male is more likely to be victimized by a complete stranger, you are more likely to be attacked by a family member, friend, or intimate.  Domestic violence is common, even in a low-crime rate place like Rexburg and Idaho Falls.
 
#3  The 3 consequences of violence.  
 
It is possible to overcome a bigger and stronger attacker, but it takes more training and psychological resolve than perhaps you think.  It is VERY important to consider the three consequences of violence:  
 
--The Psychological Consequence.  Killing somebody CHANGES YOU.  Stabbing somebody to the death is a memory you will never forget.  If you kill someone and leave the crime scene, even if you defended yourself, you will have to live with yourself knowing that you are a killer.  If you get off on a self-defense plea, you still have to deal with the emotions that took place during the attack and cope with it the rest of your life.
 
--The Physical Consequence.  Violence wouldn't be violence if somebody didn't get hurt.  In other words, SOMEBODY ALWAYS GETS HURT.  Either you or the person who attacked you (or the person you attack!) will get hurt.  Never a good thing.  Ever.
 
--The Legal Consequence.  Dead men tell no tales.  The family of the person who tried to date rape you may sue you because they think you are mentally unstable because of your frequent visits to the shrink and all the meds you're taking, all of which contribute to your over-exaggeration of your date's attempt to "just kiss" or "hug" you.   They could come up with any kind of story they want.  You HAVE to be able to not only coherently explain to policeman, judge, and jury that what you did was in self defense (and how) but also be able to prove it.   The good news is that when a fight breaks out between a man and a woman the woman usually gets the benefit of the doubt.  Not the man.  However, don't expect it.  Cover your butt.  Be prepared.     
 
#4  Even if you're trained, you're STILL vulnerable.  Don't lie to yourself.  
 
If you are a black belt in a martial art style (or even train in a MA style), that doesn't mean you can handle a violent encounter.  It means you may have developed discipline, spiritual and physical growth (and hopefully other things too).  Whether you can actually do what is necessary to defend yourself in a violent situation completely depends on your survival instincts, personality, and physical ability.  
 
#5  Violence is UNPREDICTABLE.
 
 There is no 100% effective way of knowing whether or not you could defend yourself in a possible future attack.  If you have survived a violent encounter in the past, you know you were able to handle that particular one.  It doesn't mean you can handle any and all situations.  However, to your credit, if you have survived a violent encounter and defended yourself appropriately, you have a much higher chance of being able to do it again in the future. 
 
#6  If you haven't walked the walk, don't talk the talk.
 
You don't really know what it is like unless you've actually done it before.  If you have never fired a gun, you don't know what it feels like or how you react to it.  You may have heard the sounds, stories, and have seen someone shoot at something, but no matter how much training you will ever do with video games, air soft guns, BB guns, paintball guns, etc. you will still come up short in the ability to shoot a real gun.  The same is with violence.  All you will ever do in combat training is learn how to cope with a SIMULATION of the real thing.  Can it prepare you for violence?  Yes.  Can it COMPLETELY prepare you for violence?  No!  I wish I could tell you of a way to become invincible, but it would be a lie.  You wouldn't have to go very far to find people who would tell you this lie to make money.  Keep in mind that there is a reality to violence that should make all of us be consistently aware of our surroundings (not paranoid, aware...big difference!) 
 
#7  Avoid dangerous situations altogether.
 
Nine times out of ten, dangerous situations can be completely avoided by just knowing how to spot them.
 
#8  The Marine Corps developed a color-coded system to analyze situational awareness, and it can be used for civilians as well.  They are:
 
WHITE:  Oblivious, on a cell phone, head phones, spaced out, etc.
 
YELLOW:  Aware, as you should be always, especially in public.
 
ORANGE:  Alert, as in something happened to spark suspicion, like a loud noise or something out of the ordinary.
 
RED:  Concerned, as in you've found plenty of evidence to believe that something bad is going to happen.
 
BLACK:  Under attack, meaning someone is attacking you, someone around you, or some other violent attack is in progress.
 
If you are always in a constant state of vigilance, as in anything above level yellow, you will be mentally and physically drained by the end of the day.  It's just not that practical.  
 
Remember that part in the movies, where a good guy comes into the room where the tough protagonist is sleeping and, as the good guy approaches him to give him news of something, the protagonist, using some sixth sense, somehow suddenly awakens and pulls a weapon out of nowhere with a serious warrior face for a split second...then smirks and puts the weapon down?  Yeah, that doesn't happen in real life.
 
Here's a very McDojo example (watch until one minute and eighteen seconds):
 
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gejjguTPTAA&feature=related#movie_player
 
Or it starts here:
 
 0:31  
 
#9  Packing Begets Worse Attacking.
 
Any weapon you carry with you CAN be used against you, including pepper spray, knives, guns, etc.   If you choose to carry a weapon on your person MAKE SURE you are very, very trained with it.  Even then, think twice and decide rationally.  When you overestimate yourself and underestimate your enemy you become defeated and scarred for life.
 
#10  Make a list!
 
You must make a long and detailed list concerning the things you are WILLING and UNWILLING to do in random situations.  For example, if you would rather be killed than raped you must PRE-DETERMINE that you would do everything in your power to prescribe the most vicious and inhumane death to the predator who would dare such a thing.  Another example:  I refuse to be blindfolded, and have pre-determined in my mind that if somebody or some group attempted to blindfold me I would fight for dear life at that moment because I safely assume that that would be my only chance for freedom.  
 
Familiarize yourself with the list and take a few minutes every week to meditate on it.  In the heat of the moment, you will not have time to analyze the situation and you will make stupid mistakes.  That's why you need to pre-determine what you are willing and unwilling to do in any circumstance of which you can think.
 
I will soon be making instructional videos with techniques that cater to Women's Self Defense.  Keep checking the website for details.
 
Below is the email that my wife has received several times.  I will explain the fallacies after you read it:  
 
 
 
 Crucial
 
Because of recent abductions
 
In daylight hours, refresh yourself
 
of these things to do
 
in an emergency situation...
 
This is for you,
 
and for you to share
 
with your wife,
 
your children,
 
everyone you know.
 
After reading these 9 crucial tips,
 
forward them to someone you care about.
 
It never hurts to be careful
 
in this crazy world we live in. 
 
1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do :
 
The elbow is the strongest point
 
on your body.
 
If you are close enough to use it, do! 
 
2.. Learned this from a tourist guide.
 
If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse,
 
DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM.
 
Toss it away from you....
 
Chances are that he is more interested
 
in your wallet and/or purse than you,
 
and he will go for the wallet/purse.
 
RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
 
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car,
 
kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole
 
and start waving like crazy..
 
The driver won't see you, but everybody else will.
 
This has saved lives.
 
4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars
 
after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit
 
(doing their chequebook, or making a list, etc.
 
DON'T DO THIS!)
 
The predator will be watching you, and this
 
is the perfect opportunity for him to get in
 
on the passenger side, put a gun to your head,
 
and tell you where to go.
 
AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR ,
 
LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.. 
 
If someone
is in the car
with a gun
to your head
DO NOT DRIVE OFF,
 
Repeat:
DO NOT DRIVE OFF!
 
Instead gun the engine
 
and speed into anything, wrecking the car.
 
Your Air Bag will save you.
 
If the person is in the back seat
 
they will get the worst of it .
 
As soon as the car crashes
 
bail out and run.
 
It is better than having them find your body
 
in a remote location.
 
5. A few notes about getting
 
into your car in a parking lot,
 
 
or parking garage:
 
A.) Be aware:
 
look around you,
 
look into your car,
 
at the passenger side floor ,
 
and in the back seat
 
B.) If you are parked next to a big van,
 
enter your car from the passenger door.
 
Most serial killers attack their victims
 
by pulling them into their vans while the women
 
are attempting to get into their cars.
 
C.) Look at the car
 
parked on the driver's side of your vehicle,
 
and the passenger side... If a male is sitting alone
 
in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back
 
into the mall, or work, and get a
 
guard/policeman to walk you back out.
 
IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)
 
6. ALWAYS take the elevator
 
instead of the stairs.
 
Stairwells are horrible places to be alone
 
and the perfect crime spot.
 
This is especially true at NIGHT!)
 
7. If the predator has a gun
 
and you are not under his control,
 
ALWAYS RUN!
 
The predator will only hit you (a running target)
 
4 in 100 times; and even then,
 
it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ.
 
RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern!
 
8. As women, we are always trying
 
to be sympathetic:
 
STOP
 
It may get you raped, or killed.
 
Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking,
 
well educated man, who ALWAYS played
 
on the sympathies of unsuspecting women.
 
He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often
 
asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle,
 
which is when he abducted 
his next victim.
 
9. Another Safety Point:
 
Someone just told me that her friend heard
 
a crying baby on her porch the night before last,
 
and she called the police because it was late
 
and she thought it was weird.. The police told her
 
'Whatever you do, DO NOT
 
open the door..'
 
The lady then said that it sounded like the baby
 
had crawled near a window, and she was worried
 
that it would crawl to the street and get run over.
 
The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way,
 
whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.'
 
He told her that they think a serial killer
 
has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax
 
women out of their homes thinking that someone
 
dropped off a baby.. He said they have not verified it,
 
but have had several calls by women saying that
 
they hear baby's cries outside their doors
 
when they're home alone at night.
 
 
10. Water scam!
 
If you wake up in the middle
 
of the night to hear all your taps outside running or what you think is a
 
burst pipe, DO NOT GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE! These people turn on all your
 
outside taps full ball so that you will go out to investigate and
 
then attack.
 
Stay alert, keep safe, and look out for your neighbours!
 
Please pass this on
 
This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because
 
the Crying Baby Theory was mentioned on
 
America 's Most Wanted when they profiled
 
the serial killer in Louisiana 
 
I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know.
 
It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle..
 
I was going to send this to the ladies only,
 
but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc.,
 
you may want to pass it onto them, as well.
 
Send this to any woman you know that may need
 
to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it
 
and it's better to be safe than sorry...
 
Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or love one's life
 

 
 
 
The flaws are:  
 
1.  The Elbow is NOT necessarily the strongest point on your body.  And it doesn't necessarily come from TaeKwonDo.  In fact, TaeKwonDo utilizes more kicks and hand strikes than elbow strikes.  Muay Thai is the martial art wherefrom we learn our four extra limbs:  the knees and elbows.  So...whoever pulled up that information obviously did not attend Martial Art Style Orientation 101 at their local McDojo college.  FYI...the strongest point on your body depends on your physical attributes, your training, and your personality.
 
2.  You almost NEVER want to be close enough to have to use your elbows.  You don't want to move in and fight.  If you have absolutely no choice, then yes!  Use what you have.  Elbow strikes are effective at close range.  So are knee strikes.  However, the email implies that you want to get in close and use your elbows to attack your enemy.  Especially if you have no training, you will get manhandled, raped, and destroyed if you move in close.
 
3.  There is no guarantee that if you throw the purse away from yourself to get him wholly concentrated on the "one thing" he is set out to pursue:  your purse.  Given that the statistics show that women are attacked usually by people they know rather than strangers, and that it is to rape, abuse, molest, manipulate, and otherwise hurt the woman;  there is a greater chance that, after you throw your purse away, you'll just piss him off more and he'll just advance on you and do what he wanted to do anyway and rape you.  It's best to comply and give him your purse.  Don't provoke someone who wants to attack you.  You'll escalate the situation into something worse.  If he really wants your purse instead of your body, it will piss him off that you threw the purse instead of handed it to him.  He will most likely understand that the purse will stay where you threw it and may be inclined to teach you a lesson in manners.  Oh, and about "running like mad in the other direction":  Usually attacks happen in closed spaces and are categorized as ambushes.  They will expect you to want to run.  They will eliminate that problem and contain you.  Criminals aren't as stupid as you think (but some are).
 
4.  If you ever get thrown into a trunk of a car YOU WILL NOT be able to kick out the tail lights and "wave your arms around wildly."  What a bunch of Bull$%&@!  Every expert I've talked to in the automotive business have explained that it would take a ridiculous amount of strength to pull that off.  Most cars are built in such a way as to assure that the passengers are safe, and don't tend to build cars that are so easy to bust, especially with your bare hands in an awkward position and with a woman's strength.  Oh, and here's the really funny part:  you're usually tied up if you get thrown in a trunk.  The kidnapper usually doesn't like your limbs free.  The email said that "this has saved lives" yet has no data to prove it.  
 
5.  Ummmm, if a man opens up the passenger car door and puts a gun to your head DO NOT "gun the engine, speed into everything, and wreck the car!"  The email says that "your airbag will save you."  HAHAHAHAHA.  That's funny.  Look into it a little more and you'll learn that not only is there a great chance of getting seriously hurt (and possibly killing yourself and other innocent people) by purposely running your car into something hastily, but airbags are not that reliable.  In fact, they suck.  They malfunction all the time.  Don't trust it.  Don't put yourself in even more danger.  If someone gets in your door and puts a gun to your head the VERY best thing to do is comply.  Go where he wants you to go.  If an opportunity comes for you to fight, and you are trained, yeah, sure:  fight for your life.  Other than that, you're dead.  Accept it.  Not a whole lot you can do when someone has that advantage over you.  The best thing you can do is PREVENT such a thing.  If it ever happens, look for opportunities.  Remember all the things you wrote down in that list of things you are willing and unwilling to do in any given situation.  What would YOU DO in this situation?  Decide, write it down, and remember it.  Not all women are created with the same personality, body, and instincts.  Therefore, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to a problem that is highly situational and unpredictable.
 
6.  I disagree.  I believe it is better to be dead than paranoid.  I don't want to live in fear.  That's no way to live.  I'd rather die.  That's just me.
 
7.  The email says to "ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs."  Their reason is because a stairwell is more dangerous.  WTF?  An elevator is a closed space and can be stopped en route.  A stairwell is not electronic and has an exit and an entrance and much more room to run.  I'd say they're both pretty crappy places in which to be attacked.  To "always" take one route instead of another is pretty naiive.  Judge the situation as it arises.  Every situation is different.  Again, the one-size-fits-all mumbo jumbo is a bunch of crap.  Oh, by the way, people have gotten raped and killed in elevators as well as stairwells.  Heck, people have gotten raped and killed in fancy hotels and in low-crime areas.  Mmmmh, funny how violence isn't so clear cut eh?  
 
8.  I can almost buy the "run if the guy has no control over you but has a gun."  However, that's WAY too simple.  It never is that simple.  Yes, it is harder to hit a moving target.  But you have no idea how much training the man with the gun has or how fast he is or how desperate he is.  It's kind of a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenario, but it's not impossible to conquer.  It's just not likely.  
 
Again, make a list.  Look for opportunities.  Personally, if somebody had a gun to my head and didn't have control over me, I would look for several things:  proximity of the attacker, improvised weapons, places to run, opportunities to distract and disarm the weapon, possibilities of negotiation (i.e. giving him my wallet), weather conditions, etc.  I would not, as the email says, "always" run.  That word "always" always gets people into trouble because in this world there are exceptions to every rule in every book.
 
 Another thing:  the email said that the gunman "will only hit you 4 in 100 times," and it won't be a vital organ if he does hit you.  Say what?  Okay, let's break that down.  4 out of 100 reduces to 1/25.  So, the shooter would have only a 4% chance of hitting you?  From what proximity are we talking about?  What kind of weather conditions are we considering?  What about environmental surroundings like buildings, cars, dumpsters, etc.?  Are we really to believe that a generalization of a man with a firearm would only have a 4% chance of hitting you from any circumstance and distance, even if he's trained in tactical shooting?  
 
Ask yourself, how many shots did it take Lee Harvey to assasinate Kennedy? 3 shots, 2 of which hit the President.  Oh, and Kennedy WAS a moving target! How far away was Oswald when he shot kennedy? 250 feet.  6 seconds.  3 shots.  2 hits including a head shot.  That doesn't sound like 4%.  Sounds more like 67%.  
 
Now you might say, "well, Oswald was very trained."  True.  He was in the Marines and was a marksman.  He was "above average," but he wasn't the best in the world.  Many could have pulled off what he did.  Snipers and sniper rifles nowadays are even much more advanced than they were then, as is the case with all firearms.
 
You now may say, "Well, he was probably using a fantastic firearm."  It really wasn't anything special.  He used a 6.5 mm caliber Carcano Rifle, and a rather old one at that.  It was 23 years old, made in Italy in 1940.  
 
Now, many people have their own unique hobbies.  Some people love guns.  My brother in law knows everything there is to know about guns.  Some people have practiced and have gotten very proficient at firing a gun.  Many people have been in the Marines and have taken the same training that Lee Harvey Oswald took.  
 
It is VERY possible that the person holding a gun to your body KNOWS how to use the weapon and has done it before.  There is very little reason to believe that he would only have a 4% chance at hitting you.  As martial artists and self defense students, we MUST ALWAYS assume the worst-case scenario.  We must overestimate EVERY enemy.  If we don't, we will be surprised and perhaps dead or injured.
 
9.  Don't get me started on the "baby crying on the doorstep" decoy that a predator WILL use.  
 
 
I seriously shudder and cringe when I think that there is a need to make these corrections to this type of mass email because I hate to think that there are women in this world who, in their ignorance, would actually believe it. 
 
Patrick Asay